Exploits of an LDS Spinster

Things that make you go hmmm

2011-08-20T08:40:00.002-06:00

I decided it was time to dust off my Hans Christian Andersen Fairytale book and the first insert I read totally applies to me.

This Fable Is Intended For You
Wise men of ancient times ingeniously discovered how to tell people the truth without being blunt to their faces. You see, they held a magic mirror before the people, in which all sorts of animals and various wondrous things appeared, producing amusing as well as instructive pictures. They called these fables, and whatever wise or foolish deeds the animals performed, the people were to imagine themselves in their places and thereby think, "This fable is intended for you!" In this way no one's feelings were hurt. Let us give you an example.

There were two high mountains, and at the top of each stood a castle. In the valley below ran a hungry dog, sniffing along the ground as if in search of mice or quail. Suddenly a trumpet sounded from one of the castles, to announce that mealtime was approaching. The dog immediately started running up the mountain, hoping to get his share; but when he was halfway up, the trumpeter ceased blowing, and a trumpet from the other castle commenced. "Up here," thought the dog, "they will have finished eating before I arrive, but over there they are just getting ready to eat." So he ran down, and up the other mountain. But now the first trumpet started again, while the second stopped. The dog ran down again, and up again; and this he continued until both trumpets stopped blowing, and the meals were over in both castles.

Now guess what the wise men of ancient times would have said about this fable, and who the fool could be who runs himself ragged without gaining anything, either here or there?

Right now I feel like I am that dog. I'm have no idea where I am going; I run this way for a bit and then think better of it so I run another way for a bit but then think I want something else or the first thing again. It's very frustrating. I really want to just be able to settle down. I'm tired of living a nomadic life and I've only been doing it for a while. I can't imagine how people can handle doing it for long periods of time.

Just to give you a little idea of my life since May I have lived in Orem, West Jordan,, Tooele, back to Orem, back to West Jordan and now possibly Las Vegas next month. I need to figure out where I want to live and then find at least a part time job until I get more clients.

Summer Lovin

2011-08-19T20:54:00.002-06:00

While I was in Estes Park I ran across a magnet with a saying on it that I just couldn't get out of my head.

Now I'm not necessarily a bad girl but I have been busy and I'm also too lazy to blog about all my experiences and what I have been up to. Here's a little list though of some of the things that I have done or have happened this summer.

Moved...A Lot
Bonfires
BBQ's and Parties Galore
Sandboarding
5K
Road Trips
Drama
Dating Drama
More Drama...ok not really that much drama lol
Bum arm
No AC in my car...that's been fun.
and hiking.

I'm sure there is more but that is all I can come up with off the top of my head. :o)

Be Careful What You Pray For...

2011-05-24T13:33:00.000-06:00

So I'm a firm believer that God answers prayers. I, like most people, can give you a long list of prayers God has answered for me. This time however, I think I should have been a little more specific in what I wanted; then again, God knows what I need and hopefully I will figure it out as well.

This year I've been trying to work on myself and get myself where I feel I need to be in life. After many talks with others and with myself I've come to the conclusion that I'm a control freak. I know a lot of you reading this are chuckling to yourself because you have known this for years. I have to control every aspect of my life and I plan everything out and look at the pros and cons to every situation. So at the end of April, when I asked Heavenly Father to help me rely on Him more and to put my trust in Him and not in myself I had no idea what I was getting myself into. What better way to teach me a lesson about letting go then to turn my whole world upside down.

At the beginning of this month I was supposed to move to Murray with my grandma to help her out. She is getting old and slightly forgetful and needed some help around the house and what not. So I quit my job, packed my bags, and moved in with her. The day I finished moving in she informed me that she had changed her mind and that she wanted to continue living on her own. So I now find myself unemployed, slightly homeless (I'm bouncing around between family members) and having no idea where my life is going or what direction I should be going in. I HATE this feeling! I hate not having a plan or a course of action. I hate feeling like a nomad floating from place to place. But mostly I had the unknown.

I have so many options available to me right now and so many things I could try I just have to choose one but they are all good and I don't know which one to choose. Things haven't happened like I had planned and yet I'm feeling okay about it. I can still do the things I had wanted to do but in a different way. Maybe this needed to happen in order to push me to go after my dreams instead of just slightly working on them while I was doing other things for my grandma.

As a result of my current situation I'm finding myself living with my dad, something I never in a million years would have thought would happen. I'm not going to lie its awkward and slightly uncomfortable for all of us but we are getting through it and who knows maybe this will strengthen our relationship. I know that there is a reason why I am here and I will learn something from this experience.

The next little while is going to be an adventure for sure. We shall see what happens and I will try to keep everyone posted.

I'm Gonna Miss This Place

2011-05-07T12:47:00.002-06:00

As I sit here on my last day of work watching Yosef and his pink sparkly shoes walking away from the table of our Saturday morning matrons I am hit with a sense of sadness. I am going to miss this place. I am going to miss the crazy Nordstrom styles, the fashion faux pas and our special weekly lunch diners. I'm going to miss Movie Monday's, Nerts and laughing so hard my guts are going to burst because of something off the wall that Nichole or Jonny said. I'm going to miss the slew of my future ex husbands that I see almost every day as well as the sea of pregnant women waddling to their various destinations. Yes! I am going to miss this place. Mostly though, I am going to miss my co-workers, my second family. The women (and Casey) who have taught me so much and who have made me a better person for having known them. Working for Ideal Image has been the experience of a lifetime and one that I will not soon forget.

Sugar-free is not the way to be

2011-02-01T15:27:00.001-07:00

For quite some time I’ve had a dream of opening up a bakery. Since moving down to Orem and being around people who cannot have sugar I have wanted to come up with sugar-free treats that actually taste good. Boy have I failed big time. Every recipe I have tried has resulted in a FAIL. While there are a few I think I could tweak enough to make them edible for the most part it was time and money wasted. On the bright side I have found lots of combinations not to try again.

One day I am going to create something truly amazing and it is going to make all these failed attempts worth it.

I have also found that my back is not a happy camper when forced to stand in one spot for long durations of time. I’m beginning to think that the bakery idea is not going to work and that makes me very sad.

2011-01-19T16:23:00.001-07:00

For the past several years I have wanted to dye my hair red. Everyone told me I was too pale to do it and that I would just look washed out. Then I got significant others and they all stated that they didn’t want me going red and so I stayed my natural hair color. Since I’ve been in a “to hell with men” mood lately and since it’s my life and I am going to do all the things this year that I have always wanted to do…I went red. I LOVE IT!

It took 3 bottles of hair dye and countless hours to get it dyed but I could not be more pleased with it. Thank goodness my mom was a good sport and did all the work on it. She is such a trooper.

Fail Big

2011-01-09T13:32:00.001-07:00

Every year for as long as I can remember I have had a theme for the year. This year is no different and my theme is: FAIL BIG! To most people this theme will seem weird and pessimistic. However, I have my reasons behind it and I’m excited that this is the theme that I have chosen for the year.

Growing up I have always felt like I needed to excel at everything I did and that failure was not an option. While for most people that would push them to be the best they can be it had a slightly opposite effect on me. I’ve lived my life only trying things that I was sure I was going to conquer or be good at. I have a list of things I have always wanted to try but have yet to attempt any of them because of that fear of failure.

So this year I am giving myself permission to fail. I am giving myself permission to shoot for the stars and try all the things I have always wanted to try but have been to afraid to. It’s okay for me not to excel at these things because I’ve already told myself its ok to fail. In a weird way it has allowed me to feel free from the burden of perfection.

I have placed my sign on my wall so I can look at it every day. I have also encircled it with all the things I would like to attempt to do this year. Here are a few of the things on my wall:

Go Sandboarding
Go on a Hot Air Balloon Ride
Get Lasik
Start a Business
Get a Concealed Weapon Permit
Voice Lessons and
Zumba

Here Fishy Fishy

2010-10-23T11:05:00.003-06:00

Yesterday my dad, Camille and I went fishing at Bountiful Pond. This is the first time in my life that I have actually fished with my dad. Usually if I went with him I got to be the fish gutter but never actually fish.

It was slow going at first but once dusk started setting in and the other fishers left the fish started biting left and right. We were catching fish almost every cast and usually within a minute or two of casting out we would have a bite. I've never caught so many fish in my life. It was so much fun. Luckily, the fish were small and we didn't have to keep any of them. I still don't like the taste of rainbow trout.

I am definitely going to be fishing at Bountiful Pond again. If anyone wants to go let me know.

New Experiences:
Fishing at Bountiful Pond
Fishing with my dad
Catching more than one fish

Guidance From the Past

2010-10-22T11:12:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I took my grandma to Daughters of the Utah Pioneers (DUP). While we were there comments were made about Pony Express Riders and I knew that we had one in our family history (I will post about that on a later date). As I was going through the histories of some of my ancestors I came across a typed page from my great grandpa entitled "Points That Have Helped Me Gain What Little Success I Have In This Life". I found the list to be thought provoking and decided that I would include it for others to read.

1.Live right and ask God to help me in all work each day and always thank him for his blessing.

2.Working hard and tackling the hardest job each day.

3. Reading and keeping posted in your work for the more you know the easier it is to do your work.

4. Think out new things to do and take the initiative. Don't get in a rut with self pity for yourself.

5. Always be accurate and don't get in too big a hurry.

6. Have courage or the nerve in other words. This will help carry you through the hours of trial.

7. Always be friendly and remember only friendly people are successful leaders in doing a job.

8. Cultivate personality because personality is to a man what sunshine is to the earth.

9. Always trying to be cheerful and smile when I have failed and try out another scheme.

10. Always try to do my best in all work.

11. The last but not least, having a genuine true blue woman to help and cheer me through the darkest hours.

Milo. T Dyches
Widstoe, Utah 1923

Girl You're Amazing!

2010-10-07T09:13:00.002-06:00

Last night I got wind that my ex is dating again. I wish I could say that it doesn't bother me but it does. I was having a really rough night and when I woke up this morning the first thing that popped into my head was a line from the Bruno Mars song, "girl you're amazing just the way you are".

I am amazing. I have so many good qualities and I just need to find someone who sees me for who I am and loves me in spite of all my flaws.

"Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same....
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are."

I Dreamed a Dream

2010-09-19T09:05:00.000-06:00

Every time I sleep with the girls I wake up thanking the Lord that I don't have kids and that I get to have a decent night's sleep almost every night. I didn't sleep well at all and the girls kept waking up crying because they would forget where they were or they couldn't see me even though there was a night light on.

What little sleep I did have was riddled with several interesting dreams that all said about the same thing... Find Your Voice! As I lay in bed at 5 this morning those dreams kept replaying in my head. I need to start standing up for myself and I need to stop allowing people to make my decisions for me. I need to stop making decisions based on what I think other people would want me to do and I need to start standing up for myself and what I believe in. If I step on toes or do things that others do not approve of I need to be okay with that. This is my life and I need to live it the way *I* want to live it!

Super Saturday

2010-09-18T22:43:00.001-06:00

It's funny how things work out sometimes. On Thursday morning I woke up and thought how much fun it would be to have a camp out with my nieces. I went up to SLC and was talking to my mom about it and she informed me that they were sleeping over Saturday night. Perfect!

The girls came over a lot earlier than I had anticipated but that was okay because they got to help me make peach rolls.

After lunch we went up to Silver Lake and they got their first mountain experience. At least Aaliyah says its the first time she has been in the mountains. Silver Lake was packed with people and yet we still managed to see ducks, fish, squirrels and even a deer.

I was hoping the girls would take naps after we got home but that didn't happen. They were way to excited to set the tent up and roast hot dogs.

You should have seen the dirty messy faces we had once we were done with the cookout. After baths the girls were eager to get back into the tent. As a side note I knew the odds of the girls actually sleeping in the tent all night were slim to none so we decided to set up camp in my mom's backyard so that we could go inside once the girls started freaking out.

We didn't even last 15 minutes in the tent before a motorcycle and an airplane went by at the same time and it freaked Daija out. She started crying and fighting to get out of the tent and as soon as I let her into the house she went racing into the computer room where my mom was at screaming that it was too scary. We couldn't get her back out. Britt and Court were going to sleep in the tent with us and Aaliyah said she would go out to the tent after they fell asleep. Needless to say she didn't go back out to the tent and I'm going to be sleeping with both girls in the guest bed. Guess Britt and Court get the tent all to themselves tonight.

Quotes

2010-09-15T11:26:00.002-06:00

I'm feeling good this morning. I am cleaning out my phone and have a bunch of saved texts of quotes that were sent to me. I'll just type them up here so I have them and then I can delete the texts.

"Heavenly Father didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain.However, he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. We can't truly know and appreciate the most beautiful things this life has to offer if we do not know the opposite, but he wont ever leave us on our own. Even when we are standing alone, we aren't really- we always have the Lord by our side."

"Always remain true to oneself and do not be defined by others or conform to their standards or thoughts of whom you are or whom you shall be. Love the greatness in YOU that are marvelous Father in Heaven designed you to be! He created everyone uniquely and with a purpose to fulfill in this life. You are a beautiful piece of the ultimate puzzle he's created. He needs you . He Loves you. No doubt about it."

"We only BECOME if we DO. The Lord requires our all and very best; as our Savior did for us. By giving our best it brings forth the blessings of Heaven. It is not easy because salvation is not cheap, there is a price to pay: Obedience is the price, Faith is the power, Love is the motive, the Spirit is the key, and Christ is the reason."

Zoning

2010-09-14T11:31:00.000-06:00

This morning was one of the worst mornings I have ever have. Everything that has been going on and that I have been trying to push to the side just kind of came to a head and I became extremely depressed, angry and hopeless. Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like your life is a waste and that you are just taking up space/air? Well that was the type of day I was having. One of those lay in bed crying type of days where you just want to die. Except I knew I couldn't die because I didn't have enough money in the bank to pay for my funeral. (Yes, even in an extreme depressed state of mind I try not to be a burden on others LOL.)

Anyway, long story short Geri noticed I was in bad shape and made be get zoned, even though I was adamant that I didn't need it. By the time she was done with my first foot I had completely calmed down and didn't feel so angry and depressed. By the time she had finished I had come to peace with everything and my mood drastically changed for the better. Man I love getting zoned and I love that I have the ability to zone others and help them through their trials and times of need.

Stubborn

2010-09-12T12:47:00.001-06:00

As I was singing the Sacrament hymn today I realized that he isn't coming back. He is too stubborn and once he has made up his mind he is set in stone. I've seen him do it tons of times but never thought I would be the brunt of his stubbornness. So I guess I am officially admitting that there is no hope in us getting back together and I am single. Blah!

Millions of Peaches

2010-09-10T16:22:00.003-06:00

I love living in Orem, where else can I get $80 worth of peaches for free! Let the canning begin. I am also going to attempt to make peach rolls. I will let ya'll know how they turn out.

Decisions, Decisions

2010-04-03T10:27:00.000-06:00

Have you ever found yourself at a precipice in life where major decisions need to be made? There are so many choices (good choices) that could be made but you have to decide on one of them. I find myself standing at this crossroads in my life.

Watching my nieces when I graduated from college was an easy choice because it was the choice I felt God advised me to take. Right now I have so many options and doors that I can go through and I feel like God is letting me choose this one on my own. I guess that means they are all good and I need to decide for myself which one will be the best.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate making BIG decisions on my own? Everyone who knows me knows I let others make the decisions and I prefer it when they can make my decisions for me as well. Ho hum I guess it’s time for me to grow up and make these life altering changes on my own. Decisions, decisions…anyone want to tell me what to do. :o)

Lent

2010-02-17T07:53:00.001-07:00

So it's that time of year again, the time to give something or multiple things up for Lent. My friends and I started participating in Lent a couple of years ago and though I am not Catholic I think it is a great concept.

This year for Lent I am giving up Facebook and Mah Jongg. I have noticed that over the past couple of months I have been spending far to much time on the computer and on these 2 websites in particular.

I'm hoping that with all the extra time I will have, and trust me there will be a lot, I will be able to read the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Coventants and the Pearl of Great Price. I would also like to get a bunch of my crafty projects taken care of and maybe gets some novels read. We will see what happens.

Wish me luck!

Post Secret

2010-02-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Color Test---Blue

2010-01-24T07:44:00.003-07:00

I took one of those personality color tests this morning and have to admit it was pretty accurate. Here is what it said.

Blues are motivated by Intimacy. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give of themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.

Blues have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). blues are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

Happy Birthday To Chris

2010-01-17T09:39:00.002-07:00

Chris's birthday was on Friday. Brittney was nice enough to come watch the girls for a couple of hours so I could be up here by the time he got home from work. Chris really likes ribs and I decided to take him to Texas Roadhouse for his birthday dinner.

Texas Roadhouse opened in September and it always has a huge line and a long wait. When we have tried to go in the past there has always been a couple of hours wait. I called ahead about an hour and got our names on the waiting list so we only had to wait there for about 15 mins. Which was a good thing to consider the fact that it was freezing outside and the whole entryway was packed with people.

The amazing thing about this particular restaurant location is that all of the profits go to charity. Just because I think it is amazing what they are doing I am pasting an article telling about the location.

It's the first restaurant of its kind in the country, with all profits dedicated to help those less fortunate.

The charity is called Andy's Outreach, a program that helps Texas Roadhouse employees and their families in need ("Andy" is the company's cartoon armadillo mascot).

The roots of Andy's Outreach are born of tragedy.

A few years ago, Texas Roadhouse CEO G.J. Hart was attending a training seminar at the company headquarters in Louisville. While there, he met a 5-year veteran dishwasher named James Bryan, a deaf man and father to five children. He was impressed with Bryan and found out what an inspiration he was to all his co-workers. A few weeks after meeting Bryan, Hart learned the beloved employee had died from a heart attack, and organized an effort to pay for his funeral and help his surviving family members. Hart and others did more than help with family finances; the group eventually put all 5 children through college.

Since Bryan's death, the company charity has grown through employee contributions and other fund raisers, while helping hundreds of family members through some tough times. Eligible employees can get financial assistance when a child is born or when there is a death in the family.

More company's should be like this. Let's hope that this is something that can become a trend for other business's.

Snowmobiles and Pool Tables

2010-01-10T09:25:00.001-07:00

So part of my new year's theme this year is to try new things.

Chris took me snowmobiling for the first time. I had no idea the speed that those things could get up to. One good thing about him living in Wellsville is that there are fields everywhere and we just went through his backyard and into everyone's fields. Chris was even nice enough to let me drive it. He actually wanted me to drive it as soon as we got on but since I had never been on a snowmobile I decided it would be better to at least go for a little ride first.

I was a little nervous about my back at first, what with going over bumps and whatnot but I didn't have any problems the next morning so that was a relief. Granted we didn't go for very long, maybe like 30 mins or so. Once we dig out his trailer he promises to take me up to the foothills and up by Bear Lake.

Chris and I also went to the local bar to play pool. I can't even remember the last time I played pool. It's funny but when they played good music with a good beat I actually played better. Chris was laughing at me during our last game because I was not playing well at all and I told him it was because I didn't like the music selection. Sure enough as soon as a better song came on I played a lot better and I won that game. That was the first time I have ever played pool in a bar, it was a lot of fun and something I will have to do again.

A New Year

2010-01-08T09:11:00.002-07:00

So it's the new year and it's about time I write a little something. As usual I have a ton to write about but really no desire to do it. I will just start with a couple of my goals this year.

Every year I try to pick a theme for the year. On new year's eve I was thinking about having something like "2010 start it up again" (meaning I would finally complete all those unfinished projects that have been sitting in my closet.) I have started on a couple of them and I still plan on finishing them.

Camille told me it should be something like "live my life and do something" which I feel was kind of mean. I don't know why everyone keeps telling me that I am not living my life. I like my life the way it is and I am content with it so why does everyone assume I need to be doing something different?

As I've been thinking about it for about a week I think I will adopt my original theme from last year. Be Bold...Be Fearless...Be You!

Whatever Katie

2009-11-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

Aaliyah has been licking her lips a lot lately and they have become extremely chapped and look like they hurt. The following is a conversation I had with her when she got done eating breakfast.

Me: "How about we put some chapstick on your lips so they don't hurt. They look like they hurt."

Aaliyah: "Uncle Andy's burned and I cried. I don't want any."

Me: "I promise mine won't hurt it will make you feel better. " As I pull out my Dr Pepper Lipsmackers chapstick. (Yes I still use the chapstick brand I had in elementary school.)

Me: after putting on the chapstick that has a slight pink tint to it, "Woo woo it looks like you are wearing lipstick!"

Aaliyah in a valley girl tone of voice: "Whatever Katie!" As she rolled her eyes and proceeded to turn her back on me.

Let's just say I busted a gut laughing and she couldn't figure out why I thought it was so funny.

Violation of the Wattle

2009-10-22T17:28:00.000-06:00

I've been violated and really what could I do but sit there and take it like a good sport. For those of you who ever watched Ally McBeal you know exactly what the wattle is.

I would just like to preface that I hate people touching my wattle and I put this violation of my personal space right up there with being groped.

I had to take my grams to the bank to get some paperwork notarized and as I was leaving her place I stood waiting for the elevator with an elderly gentleman. He stared at me for awhile and then said, "You look just like my cousin." and then proceeded to touch my wattle. Talk about freaking a girl out. I just sat there with a really awkward expression on my face and in my head I was trying to decide what I should do. My grandma was with me and she just made small talk like nothing had happened.

Once we entered the elevator he again told me how I looked exactly like his cousin and then he stroked my cheek. AWKWARD. I was so glad I only had to ride one floor with him and since I can walk faster than he can run I booked it out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened.

My grandma made the comment that he talked more to me in the few minutes we were together than he has ever talked to her in the year that she has known him. I guess he was a POW of WWII and doesn't talk much to anyone.

Since I am fascinated with people's stories and histories and I have this weird obsession with WWII I would really like to talk to him but at the same time I don't think I will just because he kind of creeps me out. Nice guy just no sense of personal space.

What You've Missed

2009-09-23T16:11:00.000-06:00

I’ve been meaning to write for quite some time but I just haven’t had the time, energy or a computer the past month or so.

The last part of August and first part of September have been really hard and stressful for me. I haven’t really wanted to talk about some things but I guess it’s time to start processing. I’m just going to highlight a few things and then if I decide I want to go into details down the road I will.

Several Saturday’s ago I found out that one of the guy’s I used to date committed suicide. To make matters worse he had tried calling me twice right around the time they predicted his death. I didn’t answer the phone because it was a number that was not programmed into my new phone. (I don’t answer unknown phone calls because of drama.) Needless to say I was pretty upset and my family doesn’t really seem to understand, in fact, most people just don’t understand. I’ve just kind of pushed it on the back burner and haven’t wanted to deal with it. It’s been hard this week though because I had to listen to my mom and my sister go on about how stupid suicide is and how selfish he was. I really just don’t want people bringing it up right now. Plus, this weekend is the annual walk to raise funds for suicide prevention and people are asking if I am going because I’ve been directly affected by it recently. Truth be told I don’t want to go, I know I should go, but I’m not sure I am ready to deal with everything.

That same night I found out about Matt’s suicide some guy tried to attack me when I came home from Jordan’s house. Well he might not have been trying to attack me, but I really don’t know since I wouldn’t get out of my car at 2 in the morning. The end result was a high speed chase through my neighborhood and my car needing to get the alignment done. I’m alive and safe so that’s all I’m going to say about that.

My grandma’s case finally made it to trial; it has only been 3 years. My aunt was found not guilty of exploitation of an elderly person even though she flat out told the jury she took my grandma’s money. She was found guilty of opening a credit card under my grandma’s name so maybe she will get sentenced with a felony on that one. The judge won’t even decide until November.

In good news, Jordan got married on September 4th.

The things kids say

2009-08-11T14:38:00.003-06:00

This morning the girls and I decided to go for a walk. As we were walking past the area to take us to the school playground Aaliyah informs me that she wants to go over there to play. The problem is that in order to get to the school you have to cross a canal and to do that you have to walk up about 5 cement stairs. My back is still not in the best of shape and trying to haul a double stroller with 2 kids in it up those stairs was not something I wanted to do. Of course, Aaliyah wanted to know why we couldn't go and I informed her I wasn't strong enough to pull the stroller up. Her response, " Probably because you are lonely too." Where the kid comes up with these things I don't know. For some reason she says I am not strong enough because I am lonely. She then proceeds to tell me that her mom is strong enough.

We decide to take a different street than we normally do for our walk and end up on a street with no sidewalk. We've been trying to teach the girls that you don't go in the road and must always stay on the sidewalk. So Aaliyah starts going off on how we need to find a sidewalk. We ended up on a busy street and I was sure there would be a sidewalk there but there wasn't. We turned around and headed back the way we came and Aaliyah started lecturing me for about 5 minutes on how I needed to listen to her and I wasn't being safe. I really wish I could record the stuff she says because her tone makes everything she says so funny.

The Post Secret that says it all.

2009-07-05T19:00:00.000-06:00

Banana Laffy Taffy is the Best

2009-06-22T16:37:00.000-06:00

I finally found some new jokes on the wrappers of Laffy Taffy. I'm not going to mention how many taffies I ate but here are 2 of the better jokes. They made me smile and hopefully they will get a grin out of you as well.

Q: What street does a ghost live on?
A: A Dead End

Q: Where do computers go on a Saturday night?
A: To a Disc-O

Oh how I love cheesy jokes! There are plenty more where those came from but I will spare those of you reading this.

Snails

2009-06-19T16:16:00.002-06:00

I'm going to be perfectly honest here, I don't like playing Barbies. Every day Aaliyah wants to play Barbies and I just can't do it anymore.

This morning when we were eating breakfast Aaliyah leans over and to tell me a secret. (I honestly thought she was going to burp in my ear.) She whispers in my ear, "Barbies" and then gets a big grin on her face.

I somehow managed to divert her attention though and instead we spent the day collecting snails from the yard. We got her wagon and put at least 20 snails into it and she pulled them around the yard taking them on rides and then watched them try to climb out of the wagon.

After about an hour Aaliyah came in for some juice and as she was walking through the door I heard her telling the snails to be good and that she needed to go inside for a minute but that she would be right back to take them on some more rides. She was about halfway done with her juice when she yelled, "OH NO" and ran for the door. All of her snails were climbing out of the wagon and she started picking them back up and telling them they couldn't do that because they would get hurt. She especially scolded the ones that got around the tires of the wagon because they "would get run over."

Why I Love My Job

2009-06-09T11:58:00.002-06:00

I was getting ready to make Aaliyah some lunch and she put her hands over her heart and said, "You make my heart so happy." As you can imagine that just made my day.

Lea Paris

2009-06-02T15:16:00.002-06:00

Today we decided it had been awhile since we had a ballet class. As I was struggling with Aaliyah to get her ballet clothes on I said something about her leotard and she commented back in an offended voice, "I'm Aaliyah Paris not Lea Tard."

Things that made me laugh today

2009-05-18T15:55:00.002-06:00

Aaliyah in response to me telling her every big person wears underwear.

"Jordan wears panties though."

Why do I keep doing these things.

2009-05-15T23:53:00.000-06:00

I set my thread on fire. :o(

And you call yourself my friend

2009-05-15T12:14:00.002-06:00

So this week has been quite interesting. I have had 2 people pop back into my life that I hadn't really expected to hear from again. Sadly, when they realized that I would not drop everything to do their bidding they went off on how I was a bad friend and they can't believe they even contacted me. At first I was hurt and then I was a little angry. Why is it that I have surrounded myself with people who are never there when I need them but as soon as they want something from me I am the first one they call?

One in particular really pissed me off. I haven't talked to him in over 6 months and any attempt to contact him on my part has been ignored. Around 2 in the morning the other day he texted me saying he was having a bad night and wanted me to come over. I'm sorry but I am not going to someones house at 2 in the morning when I know full well what they are looking for. Needless to say when I told him I wasn't coming over he told me I was a crappy friend and then has not talked to me since.

I realized how much I have changed. Before I would have bent over backwards to try and get back in their good graces but I really don't care anymore. Maybe its the fact that I am planning on moving far far away and I am sure I will lose contact with the majority of my friends. Maybe its because I really don't want to have to take care of anyone else right now, my plate is full. Mostly, I think its because I've come to the realization that these people were never really my friends and I don't have to try to get everyone to like me. I'm tired of being the girl everyone comes running to when their life is falling apart and yet they want nothing to do with me at any other time in their life. And heaven forbid they stick around when my life is falling apart...that is just to much to ask.

As much venting as I have done in this blog I have to say that I really do love my life, I just wish I made enough to support myself LOL. I love watching my nieces and spending time outside. I love that I can have lunch dates with my grandma and that I can actually go to DUP. I am grateful that each month I some how manage to put a roof over my head and food in my belly. I really have been blessed and have so much more than a lot of people.

I love Post Secrets

2009-04-17T08:34:00.001-06:00

This is something I would totally do. Made me laugh when I read it.

Lent Part 2

2009-04-16T21:09:00.002-06:00

So Lent went well for me this year. I actually made it the full 40 days. It worked so well that I think I am going to give something else up for the next 40 days.

I've been thinking about it and since my life is kind of a mess right now I am going to give up kissing for the next 40 days. I'm hoping that I can become more productive and get a lot of things taken care of that I have been putting off.

Everyone thinks I am nuts for doing this and to be honest I have moments where I think I am nuts too. I was kind of back and forth on whether I really wanted to do this but then tonight I got a fortune that read, "Nothing can keep you from reaching your goals." I took it as a sign. We will see how long I last but it will be interesting to see what happens from all of this.

Ramblings

2009-04-15T22:33:00.004-06:00

So last week I had the week from hell and it appears that this week is not going too well either. I thought I was finally getting things back on track and that everything was finally falling into place. Guess again. Sadly, the quote that keeps running through my head these past couple weeks is, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh."

I went to see Geri today. I was kind of hoping that I was coming to terms and accepting everything that has been going on. Of course I knew better than that and as usual I have just been repressing everything. I hate going to see Geri sometimes. I hate that she tells me things I already know but don't want anyone else to know. I hate that she can see through the fake smile and pretend cheerful attitude. I hate that with one look from her I can burst into tears but mostly...I hate this damn depression.

I'm tired of fighting it. I'm tired of acting like everything is ok when its not. I'm exhausted and not in an I need to sleep for a couple hours kind of exhaustion. I feel like I have been hanging on by a thread for to long and now its starting to fray. I have no idea what is going to happen once it breaks.

I know I know a dark and depressing blog entry. It's been awhile though right. At least I think it has been awhile.

A Little Miracle

2009-03-06T16:15:00.000-07:00

I was talking on the phone today with my grandma and she told me that she wants me to zone her. Talk about getting the shock of my life. While I have mentioned to her many times before that I would gladly work on her she has been very adamant that she is not interested. For the longest time she has thought that I am a witch doctor, which I guess to some extent I can see why she would think that. Anyway, I about fell of the chair when she asked me to zone her once I get back from vacation. We will see if she actually follows through, I think she will.

Week in Review

2009-03-06T14:13:00.001-07:00

Tanning Fiasco:

So I am the biggest dork and I honestly don’t know what I do wrong sometimes. That spray tan that they say is basically fool proof indicates that I am a fool. It’s a good thing that the weather has been chilly because I have had to wear long sleeves and pants all week long. I don’t know what I did but I have a huge tan line on my arms and then the undersides of my lower arms are white. The bottom half of my legs did not tan at all except for 2 softball sized blotches one on my calf and one right behind my knee. The upper part of my legs has a nice swirl design to it. My face turned out okay though so that’s a good thing. I have two more tans left and I am not sure if I am brave enough to use them or not. I probably will though because I hate wasting money.

Crawling:

Daija is finally starting to crawl. I have suspected for quite some time that she is a secret crawler since she can get from one side of the room to the other when no one is looking. She is a very funny girl and loves feet. So in order to get her to crawl I wiggle my toes and she tries to come and get them. She will also try to get cell phones so we usually throw one of those down as well. I tried getting a video of her crawling but my cell phone is special and all you can see is a little white blob moving around on the screen.

Watching Daija learn to crawl on the hardwood floor was the best. At first she was getting frustrated but then she realized that if she moved her hands forward she could just slide her legs along the floor. Uncle Andy and Jessica came home right after she had made her new discovery and she tried to crawl after them. She made it to the kitchen but then got distracted by the shoe pile and I had to go grab her before she put the shoes in her mouth. (She loves shoes as much as she loves feet.)

Aaliyah from Hell:

Aaliyah has not wanted to take her naps for the past couple days. She tells me that they are boring and she doesn’t want to do them. On Wednesday she woke up Daija and as a result had to go to time out. Of course she wouldn’t go and kept getting off the chair as I was trying to get Daija to go back to sleep. I ended up having to shut her in her room hoping that she would sleep on her bed. Aaliyah has learned to open her door, something she has not been able to do before because it sticks. Anyway, she opened her door and smugly told me that she had peed on her bed. She comes out of her room and there is pee all over her pants which means she had to have pulled her pull up down in order to do it. By this time I have had it with her and told her that if she didn’t knock it off I was going to spank her. Her response as she turns around and sticks out her butt, “That’s ok you can spank me. Katie I will let you spank me, its ok.” At this point I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry. I really had no intention of spanking the girl so I simply told her to go sit on the chair or I was going to call Jordan. I went into her room and there was no pee on her bed. I guess she must have sat on her pants while she was peeing. I will take what I can get though because I was not looking forward to washing all her bedding.

When Jamie got home I told her about Aaliyah and when I got to the spanking part Aaliyah piped up and told Jamie that I spank her all the time, every day and that’s why she told me it was ok for me to spank her again. What a little punk.

Thursday morning I get to the house and Aaliyah is already awake, hooray. Usually she goes back to sleep around 7 but not that day. Instead she throws a temper tantrum because I won’t let her have pizza for breakfast. I have no idea where the girl got the idea from but she decided to stick her 3 fingers down her through and make herself gag in an attempt to get her way. Who does that???

Closing:
I think that about sums up my week. Oh wait, my mom sold her house and has 2 weeks to get everything moved out. She called me on Friday to inform me that she has sold some of my stuff. Ummm thanks for selling of my stuff mom. I guess it’s not as bad as when my step dad D.I.ed my crystal but still it’s my stuff and I think I should decide whether it stays or goes. I guess I will be moving my stuff to my dad’s until we can hopefully get my grandma’s house.

Tanning

2009-02-21T12:46:00.003-07:00

For my graduation present Camille gave me a gift certificate to some tanning place. Since I burn way to easily I decided to try the spray on tan today. Pretty fast and easy except now I stink. I smell like grapes that are being dehydrated into raisins. For those of you that have used a dehydrator to make your own raisins you know what smell I am talking about. While it reminds me of summers at my grandma's house its not particularly the best smell. I can't shower for 4-6 hours and since I don't want to go out smelling like this I am homebound again. (Yesterday a migraine kept me at home all day.)

I'm already a lot tanner than I was and they gave me the lightest spray they have. It's not to hard to get darker than I was though because I was as white as they come. ;o)

I watched She's The Man today. I forgot just how funny that show was. Of course I can't watch it without thinking of my former co-worker Shane. I used to always tease him and give him things telling him, "I made you breakfast darling." as I handed it to him. I guess it isn't funny to anyone else but I always get a kick out of it.

This Week

2009-02-20T20:35:00.002-07:00

So I fixed my TV all by myself. It took me all of 10 seconds to do it and I have not had any problems since. Go me!

My apartment is still making me sick which is sad.

I joined DUP yesterday.

Daija has decided that she likes to give "fish" kisses. I don't know what her deal is but the last week she has been sucking on anyone's face who will get close to her. She is so funny. Her hair is finally long enough to do something with it. I gave her a nice little fountain ponytail and also a curlhawk. They were so cute.

I took the girls to the library for the first time. Aaliyah was so excited and grabbed the first 2 books she saw on the shelf to read. I was a little worried that Daija was going to be really loud since she had been that way all morning. She actually behaved herself which was a shock. Sadly after about an hour my back started killing me and I thought it was going to go out while at the library. I told Aaliyah we needed to go because my back hurt and her comment to me was. "Really bad?" I answered yes but that she could finish reading her book but instead she just closed it and said we could go. I thought I was going to have to fight her to leave but she was a good sport and for that I am very grateful.

I think that pretty much sums up my week. I need to start taking more pictures of the girls so everyone can see how stinking cute they are.

I love the internet

2009-02-15T09:57:00.002-07:00

Can I just tell everyone how much I love the internet. When my car got spray painted I found out how to remove it myself (WD40), when my step-dad got permanent marker on my mom's beloved wood table I found a way to remove that (toothpaste) and now today I found out how to fix my TV. I've had the TV for about 2 years and of course I started having major issues with it as soon as the warranty had expired. The TV likes to shut off on its own and at random times. Can I just tell you how frustrating it is to try and watch a movie when the stupid thing turns off at least 3 times during the movie. Anyway, instead of paying tons of money to have a service technician come out I found that I can probably fix it for free and its something really simple. I really hope it works. Wish me luck!!!

Talk About Divine Intervention

2009-01-27T14:59:00.002-07:00

Britt came to hang out for a couple of hours until time for her work meeting. We didn't have anything to do so we decided to take back some Blockbuster movies and get some new ones. We were briefly detained at the house and its a good thing because as we walked into Blockbuster we found out that they had just barley been robbed. The guy had just left the parking lot and the store clerk was phoning the robbery in to the police. Had we not been detained we would have been in the store during the robbery. The clerk kept apologizing to us for being so upset but we reassured her that she was handling it very well and we would have been just as upset, if not more, had we been in her shoes.

Sadly, I must be hormonal because I was about to start crying just listening to her on the phone with the police. Well it doesn't help either that I usually cry whenever I see someone else crying.

Aaaaaaah

2009-01-26T08:02:00.002-07:00

I went upstairs to get my slippers out of my brother's spare room only to find that they cleaned it out and D.I.ed my all time favorite pair of slippers. I am so sad and my toes are little icicles.

The End.

Poops not funny...or is it?

2009-01-23T20:54:00.001-07:00

So much has been going on that I don't even know where to begin writing. I guess I will just write about today and everything else just gets skipped over.

I got out of the shower today and much to my surprise Camille was up. Turns out she was pretty sick...dizzy and nauseous. I ended up taking her to Jordan's with me just in case she passed out. Better to have people around in case she needed help and all. She did not look good and when we got to Jordan's the vomiting began. Good thing the girls were still sleeping since Camille was sitting right next to a sleeping Aaliyah when it all began.

The girls got up and as we were getting breakfast ready I had Wonder Pets on to entertain them. I can't remember what happened but something funny happened and I laughed. Aaliyah didn't get it and wanted to know why I laughed. I explained to her that it was something I saw on the TV and she turned back to the show to see if she could figure it out. She then turned around and said, "Poop isn't funny, huh Katie." I tried so hard to keep a straight face when I responded to her but I had to turn my head so she wouldn't see me laughing. That girl pulls out the most random things.

We ended up taking Camille to the instacare because she was so sick. I was getting Daija ready first and suddenly Aaliyah came into the room with her clothes all on. She had been able to get herself dressed and had some Barbies in her hand to entertain herself with while we were gone. Usually I have to fight Aaliyah to get dressed and it takes forever. I am so thankful that she realized the urgency of the situation and took the initiative to dress herself. While at Instacare she sat in her chair and looked at some magazines and then played with her Barbies. I did have to tell her once to be quiet because she started belting out Once Upon a Dream at the top of her lungs while her Barbies were dancing.

Aaliyah finally went poop in the potty. I was so excited. We have been trying to get her to do that since I started watching the girls. I was so excited. We called her mom and we called Brittney. She even got to go to McDonald's and get a kids meal. Yes I do resort to bribery when trying to get her to do something new.

Daija is finally starting to eat her rice cereal. She has become quite independent though and only 7 months. She wants to hold the spoon and put it into her mouth by herself. She is actually pretty good and will even suck all of the cereal off of the spoon.

That pretty much sums up the day. Camille and I came home and had a Freaks and Geeks marathon. I still didn't want to leave her home alone even though she was feeling better. We were supposed to go to the LDS Film Festival but I didn't want her passing out while we were down there. I also had 4 guys ask me out...which I turned down because I am mean like that. Why is it when you decide to give up dating they start coming out of the woodwork?

And then there were more...

2008-11-16T14:53:00.002-07:00

Jordan called me on Friday to see if I can start watching his friend's son on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What's one more kid right. He is four and I really hope he will play well with Aaliyah. Themed Thursdays are going to need to more pre-schooly but that's okay. Secretly I've always preferred boys to girls so I am excited.

I've decided that I need to pick up some more zoning clients. Camille has been super fantastic and has been talking me up and she got me 2 more clients. In the past week I have gotten 5 new clients. I haven't even told people that I am starting to zone again which is amazing. I can only imagine what's going to happen once I make the announcement. I have had a lot of people waiting for me to get done with school so I can devote more time to zoning.

I'm supposed to have a meeting with my boss sometime. He always forgets about me though until he is walking out the door and then tells me he will talk to me the following day but never does. When I finally do talk to him I am just going to lay everything on the table. I'm not going to cover for people anymore. I am finally at the point where I am putting my foot down and not letting everyone at work walk all over me. They still have not gotten anyone to help me with my workload. Because of my schedule change I am now supposed to do the workload of 2 full time people in a 4 hour shift. Not to mention that we have been having a lot of problems so my first 45 mins of work is trying to get those taken care of. I just wish people would start taking more initiative at work and that I didn't have to hold their hand every step of the way. It's getting very frustrating.

This past week has been a very very weird week at work. Kody told me that he appreciates me which is something that he never does and I thought for sure he was saying that so he could dump some new project on me. He came back later in the day to tell me again how much he appreciates all that I do. David has been calling me Katie Kat which is odd mainly because he has never called met that before. The only person at work who calls me that is Britt and I don't even get to see her anymore. Also, he sad down next to me and plopped his feet on my desk. It was just weird. EDP had a little breakdown and is now going home close to the time she is supposed to which means I don't have here around very much anymore. I really haven't seen much if Ibrahim and we hired a new callcenter director. She seems nice she hasn't ever talked to me though, but I haven't tried talking to here either. I feel like I have distanced myself from everyone and it makes me sad. Dang my stupid workload.

In good news Jordan gave me Friday off because I needed to go into work by 2 instead of 3:30. The company is actually paying for us to take an hour off and go to lunch. SHOCKER! Since I don't have to watch the girls I am going to see if I can work an 8 hour shift starting at 6. I really hope EDP lets me. If I do get to work it then I will get to see Britt. I really miss talking with her and seeing her every day. I miss most of the day team as well. I don't really miss the drama but I will admit it will be nice to spend the mornings with all my favorite people. Plus, working an 8 hour shift will mean that I get to talk to the people around me. I am usually so bombarded with work when I go in that I don't talk to anyone.

Yesterday I decided that I wanted to go shopping. I needed some new pants and a new skirt. I ended up buying the cutest pair of blue satin pumps. I am so excited. One I got them home I realized that they will match perfectly with my blue sating shirt that I bought last year. Hooray! I also couldn't resist and I bought some teal and black bangle bracelets. I have no idea what has come over me. I never spend my money on things like that. I am having a little bit of buyers remorse for spending my money of frivolous things but at the same time I really really like my purchases.

On Thursday crazy Aunt Diane drove by my work. This is the third time in 2 weeks that I have seen here. This time though she intentionally drove by my work. Now I have to check my car every time I go out to make sure there is no damage to it.

They pushed my grandma's court date back again. This time the trial is set for the beginning of January. The judge said this was the last time Diane could cause the trial to be postponed but deep down I am sure she will come up with some other way to get out of going to it. It's almost been 2 years since we started all of this and I just want it to be over with.

I talked to my grandma yesterday and she said that once she gets her house back Camille and I can rent it. She is just worried about what Diane will do once she finds out. I say who cares, if she tried anything I will just call the police and if she tries to start fights then I will be more than happy to unleash all the anger and frustration that I have towards her. My grandma even offered to let Camille and I buy the house but there is now way we can afford what she should ask for it. Maybe we can work out a rent to own option or something.

When we do move into the house I could walk to my job at the college. Plus, it is right down the street from the office Camille's friend said she could use. That house really is in the ideal location. My only concern is driving on that steep hill in the winter. I am sure they salt it very well though.

Today I went to Josh's homecoming. He has changed a lot since I last saw him. It was nice to see how much he has grown over the years. I also got to see some friends that I have not seen in years as well. A couple families from the old neighborhood came to the homecoming and it was great seeing them and playing catch up.

Well I think that about sums up my week.

When The Heats Gone

2008-11-12T08:55:00.002-07:00

Hey Everyone!

Today as I let myself into my brothers house there;s both girls wide awake sitting on the lounge chair watching tv and waiting for me to get there. This is the first time they have both been up when I get there. Usually they wake up about 30 minutes after.

I found Jordan in the basement and he proceeded to tell me that the girls had been up since 4:30 when the heater made an extremely loud banging noise which woke everyone up. Prognosis of the heater...its dead. So we get to sit in a chilly house today. It's actually not to bad right now. Jordan suggested I take the girls to my moms house but my step-dad is home sick and that won't fly. Maybe if it gets too cold I will take them over to see great grandma.

I was watching Lazytown this morning and decided to look up the main character. He looked a little bit like Steve from Blue's Clues. Completely different guy but I found out he is 44. He does not look like he would be 44 if I had to guess I would have said mid 30's at the oldest.

Well Aaliyah just got up from her mini nap and its time to get breakfast going. I will write more when I get the chance.

~K

New Day

2008-10-17T05:55:00.003-06:00

I am doing much better this morning. Not nearly as sad or depressed about not getting the house as I was last night. Things will work out and I know the Lord has a plan for me I just have to wait and see what it is.

I'm suffering from insomnia again. I think its stress related because I have so much to do this next week. In good news, I just about got all my homework finished this morning. Go me!

I've decided that I need to start taking a camera to work so I can take pictures of all the weird things I see there. For example, on Wednesday I saw a bride walking into Smith's. She had her dress on, way to big for her might I add, and was also with a groom who was wearing jeans and a button up shirt. They were getting ready to do some shopping for their reception that night. Who does that???

Yesterday there was a homeless guy camping out at the insurance place across the parking lot. He was just chilling for about half the day sitting out where everyone could see him. I think he was hoping to get picked up so he would have a warm place to sleep and some free food. Most people didn't even notice him though.

As I was driving out of the parking lot after work I saw a BMW, or maybe it was a Mercedes I don't know for sure, it had tree limbs coming out of the trunk. I guess the owner decided to cut down a tree and then store the cut limbs in his car until he could get rid of them. It looked like the tree was growing out of this guys trunk. I really wish I had my camera.

Anyway, I think maybe this weekend I will buy a little camera that I can just throw in my purse or pocket so I can take pics and start blogging about all the randomness I see every day.

Why Me

2008-10-16T19:34:00.002-06:00

So Camille and I have been looking for a house for how long now let me think....about 8 months. We finally found one that we both loves which is a feat in and of itself. It was a super fantastic deal so we decided to put on offer on it. There were probably about 10 offers on the house we found out and they sold the house to someone who paid about 20 grand more than what was being offered. Needless to say I am really bummed. I loved that house and I was starting to feel like everything was finally falling into place. It is so frustrating to get your hopes up and then find out you don't get the house. I am tired of looking at houses and I just want to give up. Now that the government is bailing out all the financial institutions it is better for them to hold on to their bank owned homes and let the government pay them for them instead of selling them to regular people.

I foresee this bill they passed to cause a lot of problems down the road. I'm beginning to think I am just not meant to get a house.

In good news I finish school next week, I cut my hours back at work, have a month off of work, and am going to start watching my nieces in the mornings. Now if I could only find a house life would be perfect.

Yes I am Alive

2008-07-09T10:35:00.001-06:00

So much has been going on that I don’t know where to begin.

We have finally started hitting our slow time at work. The leads have started slowing down and yet I still don’t have any down time. I have so many little projects to take care of before things pick up again. I’m still back on forth on whether I should stay here when I am done with school. I think I am ready for a change but at the same time with the way the economy is the smart choice would be to stay here where I have some stability.

I’ve decided to take 3 classes this module since two of them are simple. Why they are making me take a class for people just starting college is beyond me. I kept telling them that I am almost done but they say it s a required class so I guess I will just go along with it. Our assignment this week is to spell check a paper and then to write about our favorite vacation. Sounds hard doesn’t it. I also am taking a critical thinking class and then my general accounting class.
I

found out that if I can get all the classes that I need to (there is one that they are not sure when it is going to be offered) I will be done with school 3 days before my birthday. Woohoo. That would be the best birthday present ever.

I kept saying when I graduate I was going to restore a car. However, the cars I want to restore are a little on the pricey side. I haven’t looked a whole lot into it though. Maybe I will be able to find a really good deal on one.

Camille and I have decided to put aside the café for now since the economy is going to pot. We are going to see about opening it next year if the economy is doing better. We are however going to start working on sandboards. We were telling my dad about it and he was all gun ho to help up out. Very odd for him because he is usually so pessimistic about all of our ventures. We are planning on starting really small and he wants us to start bigger than we are planning on which is really weird. I think we were both pretty stunned when he was taking out ideas and expanding on them. This will probably be a good bonding experience for us all.

Camille was telling me about this African ritual to get a man. It sounds quite interesting and the lady at her work who gave it to her said it has a 100% success rate. I thought about doing it. In fact, I have the paper sitting on my desk. I’ve decided though that I don’t want to find my soul mate right now. Maybe I am scared but for right now I think there are other things that I want to focus on. There are dreams and ambitions that I want to do before I settle down. Maybe I will do it when I get done with school and I actually have time to devote to finding Mr. Right. I know I know procrastination is a tool of the devil. :o)

Oh Wait I have hard things (first times) to report on:

1) Ate shrimp for the first time…not a fan of the texture and I am still supporting my theory that things that started out grey should not be eaten.
2) Actually got some money back.
3) Went to several functions with my single’s ward
4) My first niece was born!

There were more but I can’t remember what they were.

Sometimes You Need To Make A Change

2008-05-03T09:46:00.002-06:00

Well I finally did it....I cut my hair! It is the shortest I have ever had it and I can't really even put it in a ponytail. I also got it dyed for the first time. I know I am really behind in the times. I actually didn't get the whole think dyed my stylist just put in red and blonde streaks. I can't really see them but I am told it looks really good from the back LOL.

Cutting that much of my hair was as traumatic as everyone thought it would be. In fact, so far I have not missed it at all. Though it does get a little chilly on my neck when the breeze blows. For the most part everyone who has seen it loves it.

The exclamations of shock and delight were quite evident at work the day following the big snip. Several of the girls still tell me how hot I look LOL. I think I still look like me though.

I've been having a really good week and I think I am starting to become more like my old self. I was able to get some things off my chest a couple of weeks ago and I've been trying really hard to not let other people's reactions effect me as much. Seems to be going well. It gets a little hard at times but for the most part I feel like I am happier.

It's funny how a new hair-do can also trigger a new attitude. I wanted this year to be the year I transformed into the person that I want to be and so far things have been going pretty well. I have no room for complaints.

Now I just need to decide what I want to do with my life. I have so many options and possibilities that it is hard to settle just on one. I complain to Camille about how wishy-washy she is but at the same time I am the same way. Do I buy a house or gets some businesses started. Do I stay in the valley or make the big move down south. I guess only time will tell. Until then I will just enjoy the ride.

This is why we are not supposed to procrastinate

2008-04-19T12:59:00.003-06:00

I actually have a ton to write about but don't have time at the moment. I'm just wanted to vent for just a second at how stupid I am.

I finally talked Nick into showing me how to invest money. He's been waiting for me to come over with my money so we can set up the account. I wanted to purchase shares in Google. Well had I done it when I originally had planned I would have made an 800% increase on my investment. Meaning my measly investment would have turned out to be roughly 4 grand. OUCH!!! I am really kicking myself for procrastinating. That would have paid of the rest of my debt.

Also, things to look forward to reading about....
The Festival of Colors, boy and work drama, Vegas, proposals, businesses, school, more funerals, grandma updates and life in general. TTFN

What to do

2008-03-29T07:34:00.000-06:00

Camille and I found the house that we want. The only problem is that the owner cannot afford to pay closing costs so Camille and I need to come up with an additional $8000. How in the world am I supposed to come up with that kind of cash in about a month. There is no way I will prostitute myself though for some odd reason it did cross my mind. LOL, I consider all my option here people but that does not mean I am going to do it.

My friend at work and I got on the topic of women selling their eggs. I had never heard of it before and this morning I looked into it a little bit. Okay to be honest I am supposed to be doing my finance homework and instead am doing a fantastic job of procrastinating. Anywho, did you know that a woman can get up to $3000 for one cycle of eggs. What the crap! If I went twice that would just about cover the amount I need. Will I consider doing it…maybe for about a day.

In all reality I am wracking my brain trying to figure out how to come up with the money. If people would just pay me back the money they own me I would have all of it. The odds of ever seeing a dime of what they owe me though is slim to none.

I could always beg my grandma for money but I know things are tight for her right now. If we could just get things settled with Diane then my grandma would have the funds to help out. Camille and I also want to try and get my grandma to move in with us. The house we want would be perfect for her and she would be closer to her friends, family and doctors. Then again I guess anything would be closer than the three hours she currently drives.

I could sell off all my stuff but that would probably only bring in about 2 grand. Actually I could probably sell off some of the rare books that I got from my Grandma Miller and get quite a bit of money. I don’t really want to do that though. Hmmm I guess I am just going to have to pray for a pay raise and for new consistent clients for zoning. It’s so frustrating to be so close and yet so far. This house is perfect and I love it so much. I know I know we are not supposed to get attached to material things but this house is in the perfect location, it is the right size, the landscaping is all done and perfect for outdoor picnics/BBQ’s, and I would have the most amazing garden.

Think, Think, Think…..

2008-03-13T08:55:00.000-06:00

Life has been crazy busy the past week or so. Camille and I have been spending most of our free time looking at houses. I got sick this past Friday and I still have the hacking cough. I get home from work and am beat and the only thing I want to do is sleep.

Camille has suddenly become gung-ho about getting her business up and running. She wants to work on business plans when I get home but all I want to do is fall into bed. I think she is getting frustrated with me. I can’t help it though I am sick.

I guess we aren’t getting a house anymore and instead are just going to get Camille’s business started. She says maybe next year we will get a house. Who knows.

She has a really good idea for a business and I am sure it will do well. I want to help her in anyway I can but I really have no intentions of sticking around long enough to work at the store.

I have more or less decided that I am moving down to Richfield. I HAVE to take my first accounting class at the campus and that should be done by the middle of June. Once that is done I am hoping to be able to take the rest of the classes online and therefore will be able to move. I am sure I can swing something with work to be able to work from home. That way I will have a job, since jobs are scarce in Richfield, and I can still get my free tuition. The biggest downside will be that I will more than likely have to go back on the phones. If I go back on the phones I will probably cut my hours back because I don’t think I can do that full time. That’s okay though because it will give me more time to work on my book and getting my other business up and going.

I’m a little bit frustrated with myself at the moment. Remember the story of the genie and the lamp and how when people would ask for something they didn’t think it all the way through and their granted wish was not what they had hoped for. Well I feel like I am in that boat right now. Back when I was so depressed that all I did was cry and I prayed and prayed to have my feelings and emotions turned off. Well it worked, the only problem is that I still don’t really feel anything. How many people have died this year and how many funerals have I attended and I think I may have cried once.

I didn’t even notice my lack of feeling until recently. I can’t zone if I can’t feel. Now that I’ve started going to see Geri again and have started to try and zone again I am realizing that my gift is gone. Ugh, so frustrating. It was really hard to turn of the emotions and feelings and I am finding that it is even harder to turn them back on.

Moving on to a different tangent. Amanda and I talked this morning and we are both going to try really hard not to bad mouth some of the “special” people that we work with. I think it will help with our moods and attitudes.

Also, they upped the price of tuition for my NLP seminar so I am not going to be taking that anytime soon. They raised the price about $500 in a one month period of time. That is crazy.

I guess it’s for the best though because now I will be home for Father’s Day and for the birth of Jordan and Jamie’s baby. I really wanted to be here for that and I was a little bummed that I was going to miss it. Eh the raised price was probably just the Lord’s way of telling me it wasn’t time.

2008-02-16T11:54:00.000-07:00

I woke up bright and early this morning and took Nick out for breakfast since it is his birthday. We went to Denny’s hid favorite place. While we were there we got on the subject if iPods and he told me that that was my Christmas present that he had gotten me but then taken back. OH MAN! That’s okay though because he got one of the new ones that plays videos and everything else on it. I just want one of the baby ones so I can use it when I exercise.

Jen is taking Nick out to Wendover for his birthday and Nick promises that if he wins 3 grand he will buy me an iPod. I will be really shocked if he wins that much money. He’s good enough to win it but it also depends on how well the other people he plays against play.

We went out to dinner with Hil and Jeff tonight since it was Hil’s birthday this week. We went out to Tempanyaki in Layton for dinner. It ended up being across the street from the neighborhood where Brady’s mom lives. I thought about stopping by to say hi but decided against it since I had the rest of my family in the car with me.

Dinner was pretty good. Our cook looked like an Asian version of Jake (don’t ask). He was trying to throw the shrimp to people and his aim was off. He smacked Brittney right in the forehead with her shrimp.

2008-02-15T22:54:00.000-07:00

I brought my rice crispy bears in for everyone today. Hooray! They were so good and everyone loved them.

I went to see Geri today. She didn’t charge me for the zone and she didn’t have me zone her either because as usual I am messed up. I knew I would be because it had been so long since I had seen her. She didn’t even bother telling me what was going on because everywhere she touched hurt. The only thing she told me is that I have a lot of hurt that is turning into anger and sadness over something that I am not able to say to someone. I think it is work related but I can’t quite pinpoint if that is really it or not.

I’m going to go see her again on Tuesday. Since she zoned me for free this time I am going to zone her and her daughter Stacey on Tuesday so we are even.
My family and I were supposed to go out to eat tonight so I rushed home from Geri’s only to find out that Lee had just picked some stuff up. Oh well. It was nice just to kick back and veg out. I took a really long hot bubble bath after I got done eating and then watched some movies

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T08:53:00.000-07:00

I ended up crashing at Nick’s house because the roads were so bad. I didn’t want to drive all the way out to my house and then have to drive the nasty roads again in the morning. A lot of schools are having late start days today. The drive in to work was bad and there was about a foot of snow on my car when we pulled up to it.

Since I didn’t go home I didn’t get to bring my Valentine treats for everyone. That’s a little sad but I will just bring them in tomorrow.

Today was just a regular day at work. Nothing new or exciting. Oh Korby got some flowers sent to her but she was not here today. We just all stared at them and wished they were for us.

When I got home our entire counter was full of candy. All the candy my mom’s school kids had given her plus the candy and treats that everyone in the family made and gave to each other.

Camille turned all domestic and made some incredible peanut butter hearts. I thought she had just bought them and then frosted our names and designs on them. She assured us that she made them and even showed us the pans that she used. LOL.

I made dinner for my family. Chicken pillows and broccoli salad…mmmm. I was halfway done making it when Darin texted me and wanted me to come down and hang out with him. At first I said no but I am such a push over that I finally consented. I’ve been trying to avoid him since he said he is going on a mission and doesn’t want me to be a distraction. Anyway, I was getting ready to go and he sends me a text telling me he doesn’t want me to come down anymore. So frustrating. I wish people would just make up their minds.

2008-02-13T09:52:00.000-07:00

Today was jasmine’s last day of work. Kody let us girls on the support staff take her out to lunch. We went to the Macaroni Grill. I seem to always get the bad waitresses LOL. We had to wait 15 minutes just for the girl to bring back our change. I won’t get into all the other problems we had with her. It was nice though to just get away from work and kick back and mingle. We got to know Amanda a little bit better and I think it will be a good transition from Jasmine to Amanda. I felt bad because Nick (co-worker) did not get to come and participate in the farewells but he had school and wasn’t going to be in until 2:30 and that’s a little late for lunch.

It snowed a ton tonight. It started around 3:00. My mom called around 4 and told me if I was going to come home I had better leave right then because it was white out conditions at our house. I opted to call Nick (friend) and have him pick me up and hang out at his house until things died down. It took him over an hour to make the normally 20 minute drive. Traffic was really really bad and I am really glad that I decided not to drive. By the time he got me at 6:30 it was still snowing and there was about 6 inches stuck to the roads. Good thing he lives right by work and we didn’t have to drive very far to get to his house.

2008-02-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

I met up with Jill after work and we hung out at Borders. I am always amazed at the books that get published. Some of the titles are hilarious and we spent quite a bit of time looking at all the random self help books. The relationship books were great too. I have to say that my favorite title though was, “Does this clutter make me look fat?”

Tonight I was very domestic and I made rice crispy treats in the shape of little bears. I even used little chocolate chips and M&M mini’s for the eyes and little buttons. They are so cute. As you can clearly tell.

Jasmine’s last day is tomorrow. I’m really going to miss here. Part of the reason why I made the treats so early was so that she could have one.

Weekend Madness

2008-02-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend was an interesting one to say the least. On Friday night I just hung out with the family. I zoned me mom and Camille and we watched the Game Plan. I was really looking forward to seeing that movie and to be honest I was a tad disappointed. Then again that shouldn’t surprise anyone; I rarely find movies that I really like.

Saturday I went to yet another funeral. I wasn’t originally planning on going to this funeral but my mom was going to go alone and I don’t think anyone should attend funerals alone so I went with her.

The funeral was held up on the east side and the church parking lot only had maybe 20 parking stalls. I guess most people who attend that church are required to walk.

I had a list of things I needed to get done on Saturday but by the time we got home from the funeral I was just not in the mood to do any of them. I really don’t need to go shopping for new clothes anyway. Okay I do need new skirts because I am filling out a little. Get new skirts or start exercising…tough call.

I was supposed to hang out with a couple of co-workers but things fell through at the last minute. That’s okay though because I ran a couple errands with Britt and then we went to Sonic for onion rings and cream slushies. It has been a long time since we had gone to sonic. It reminded me of the good old days when Britt and karli would sluff school or come over at night and bring Sonic. Such good memories. I almost took a picture of all the food and sent it to Karli.

Britt was supposed to watch Aaliyah but I ended up playing with her for a good portion of the night. Not that I minded at all. Mostly we just looked at the bird and then she played on the computer. Well she played with the keyboard we didn’t actually turn the computer on. Britt came in handy when it came to changing diapers and putting Aaliyah to bed. :o)

Jordan brought pictures of the ultrasound. They had one 3-D shot and it was freaky looking. They also had one that was of the baby’s head and it looked like a little alien. There was one shot where the doctor had written girl on it but no matter how hard we looked we could not determine how they decided it was a girl. I think Jordan is secretly holding out that he will end up with a boy. I know I am secretly hoping that is what they have.

I went to my new singles ward on Sunday. Hooray. It was a little better this time. The bishop actually talked to us and welcomed us to the ward. There were a couple of girls that were helpful and directed Camille and I where to go so that was nice.

Why is it that when boys don’t get what they want they through the I love you or I think I love you into the mix in hopes you will change your mind? It gets so frustrating. I’ve decided that for lent, yes I know I am announcing this a week late, I am giving up guys. With the exception of Nick because I need to have one friend, plus, its his birthday and he has been a little down in the dumps and I can’t just walk away and have him deal with life himself.

Oh and I am putting off purchasing a camera until I can find someone who will let me play with it. I have gone to the stores but the cameras don’t have batteries in them so I can’t really see if they have the shutter time that I want. Reading the descriptions doesn’t really mean anything to me.

2008-02-11T09:50:00.000-07:00

Tonight we went to see 27 Dresses for FHE. It was an interesting show. For me the best part was when they were drunk at the bar singing and dancing. Mostly because it reminded me of myself and my friends when we get together and start singing along with the radio. Everyone has their own version of the words and it is hilarious to hear what people interpret the words to be.

There is excitement to be found wherever you go.

2008-02-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I left work on time. The first time in I don’t know how long. We are finally caught up at work and a huge burden has been lifted. I cannot sing enough praises of my new co-worker Nick.

Last night I went over to Nick’s (my friend not my co-worker) after work to watch a couple of episodes of House. Usually I am the one that falls asleep when we are watching TV but this time it was Nick.

I forget how fast time flies when he and I start talking. It was nice to get back into our old groove and just hang out and talk. I’ve missed having someone to talk too.

Also, last night I found out that I am going to be getting a niece. I’m a little bummed because I really really wanted a nephew but hey I am happy to get what I get. I can’t wait until they have the baby and I hope we get to watch it all the time.

I really wish I had the ability to draw. I woke up this morning with another fantastic idea for a painting. I had the perfect title for it too but unfortunately I have forgotten said title. LOL. That’s what happened when we become fully awake and focus on other things. I do remember the painting though and am trying to get my friend to draw it for me. I’m still trying to get him to draw a couple other ones for me as well. We will see what happens.

Camille is gun ho on us getting the healing center up and running ASAP. We are going down to Cali in June to get a couple additional certifications and once we get those then I will consider opening the center. She has talked to a few people and they all think it is a good idea. She has started researching the area and found that there are only 2 centers in Salt Lake and neither of them offer what we are going to offer. We need to do some more research though because I know there are more than 2 places out there. This weekend we are going to start our business plan so we can get the ball rolling on locating investors.

Camille has been selling my services more than I have and in the past month or two she has gotten me 4 new clients and a bunch of people thinking about getting zoned. I don’t know how that girl manages to talk me up that much.

I think I found the camera I want. Now I just need to go play with it at one of the stores to make sure before I buy it. I just hope its worth the money I am going to be spending on it. As long as it has a decent shuttertime I will be a happy camper.

Oh and I got a fortune cookie on Tuesday and this is what it said, “There is excitement to be found wherever you go.” I think this is going to be my mantra for the week.

Man-Made Super Power

2008-02-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

Hard Things:
~Went and took care of my ticket. Ended up only having to pay $30.00. YES!
~ Practiced donuts in a parking lot. (I don’t like not being in control of my car)
~ Drove to work in lots of snow multiple times.
~Two funerals in a week. (not including Pres Hinckley’s)
~Found a new dentist

I went to the dentist yesterday. He seemed really nice, didn’t really tell me what was going on though and when I got back to work I realized I had a million questions. I have two cracked fillings from my original dentist. He liked to get as much money as possible and drilled out the majority of your tooth in hopes that it would break and you would need a crown. Well now I need 3 crowns but I am having my new dentist do the work. The one tooth that is cracked I’ve been having some problems with but Dr Cottrell didn’t schedule me to come in for 6 weeks. He told me to try and tough it out until then. If I can’t tough it out then I can come in but I will have to pay for the crown up front and then have my insurance company reimburse me. With all of my previous dentists I have gotten back in for work within 2 weeks. This is a new development but I guess as long as I can handle the discomfort I will go with it.

The majority of my pain is coming from that tooth I had surgery on 4 years ago. I had the dentist take additional x-rays of it and he informed me I was not kidding when I told him my tooth was pressurized and felt like it was going to explode. Basically he said it was an atomic bomb and there is no way he is going anywhere near it. He was in the middle of cleaning my teeth when he said it so I didn’t get a chance for him to tell me exactly what was going on and what he thought I should do about it.

In fact, he didn’t tell me anything else about my x-rays. Does that mean I don’t have any cavities? I guess I will call and talk to him about it or maybe just wait until I go in to get my tooth fixed.

Good news is my tooth tells me when the weather is changing. I should start paying more attention to it and what weather is associated with which amount of pressure that way I can forecast the weather. That could really come in handy you know. Sweet I have a new super power.

My massive amounts of OT are gradually coming to an end. Now I can start taking more classes and getting stuff caught up that I have been slacking on. I’ve decided to take The Hinckley Challenge and am going to attempt to read the BOM in 97 days. So far I am only on page 7 good thing Sunday’s are my reading days.

What to do? What to do?

2008-02-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

So a bunch of people at work said they would all chip in to pay for a tattoo if I got Made in Japan done. Pretty much they would pay for the entire thing with a little bit left over. Hmmmm decisions decisions. Any suggestions on what I should do?

New Year, New Blog Location

2008-01-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

I have changed my theme for this year. I’ve decided to adopt Kristy’s theme from last year, “I Can Do Hard Things…” Since that saying has popped into my head at least a couple of times a day since the beginning of the new year I guess God is trying to drop a hint. So at the beginning of each blog I will write about something hard that I did.

So much has happened in the past two weeks and I just do not know where to begin.

Last week jasmine’s house caught on fire and she missed three days. I was trying to keep her job caught up as well as the important aspects of mine. I ended up working about 13 hours a day. I also had finals last week and I did not even get started on them until Saturday morning and they were due Saturday night.

On Thursday I believe it was, of last week, my dad called and told us that Diane had decided to plea bargain and she is giving my grandma back her house and paying back some of the money that she stole from my grandma. In addition, our entire family was granted the restraining order against Diane so she is no longer allowed to make any contact with us. Such a relief and I now feel like I don’t have to be as guarded as I have been.

Last Friday on my way into work I got pulled over for having my headlight out. The cop was nice but also kind of a jerk. Instead of just giving me a warning he gave me a fix it ticket. Okay I could deal with that I just needed to find time to go in and have someone sign off on the fact that the headlight got fixed and I wouldn’t have to actually pay the ticket. Well after the cop sat in his car for 15 minutes he finally came back out and also informed me that my driver’s license had expired and he ticketed me for that as well. I had no idea my license had expired and I started to cry because it had already been an overly stressful week. That ticket is going to cost me about $200. Money that I was saving for other things.

When I got to work I was still a little upset and one of the managers here told me he would show me how to fix the headlight if I bought a new one on my break. I had Jordan go pick me one up. We could not get the headlight to work and we thought they had given us the wrong one. I did learn how to change a headlight though and I also learned where the fuse box for my car is and how to check the fuses. That is going to come in handy I can just feel it. Anyway found out on Monday when I took the headlight back that it was the correct headlight and that we were trying to change the bulb for the brights not the regular light. Oops. I still have not told the manager that yet. I did tell some of my friends at work though and they got a good laugh out of that.

Jordan also informed me that I am going to be an aunt. Super excited about that but was terrified for when he had to tell my mom. I had to force him to tell her on Sunday and he wouldn’t even come to the house he just told her over the phone. The only reason why he told her was because she was planning a trip the same week that the baby is due. We don’t know yet what they are having but it will be nice to finally have a little one running around.

I went to the Singles Ward with Camille on Sunday. It wasn’t too bad. Of course it is not the ward we are supposed to be in. We are going to continue attending that ward for a couple weeks though until Camille can get Sunday’s off. She has to wait until they finish training new people. I also went to the home ward so that means I had 6 hours of church on Sunday.

This week I’ve been working late again trying to get all my reports and what not caught up. I found out on Wednesday that I was getting a bonus. That will be really nice and help pay for that stupid ticket.

Yesterday I got up bright and early and made it to the driver’s license place around 7. There was still quite a long line but I was able to get my license renewed and made it to work only 1 minute late. There was a cute guy sitting behind me and I should have started talking to him. That’s a little too hard for me right now though. There was also a lot of high school students there getting their drivers license. I guess parents wanted to take them to get it before school or something. I lucked out and got the fast guy and once my number got called I was only in there for 5 minutes. What a blessing!

Last night I went out with Kristy and Rachel. The first time in about a month that I have actually hung out with anyone besides my family. It was nice just to relax and chit chat. We ate at Red Lobster, I am not a fan of seafood so I got the only thing I knew I would eat...clam chowder. It wasn’t that great LOL.

Afterwards we went to Kristy’s house and watched Rigaletto. I zoned Kristy for the first part of the movie and then we cuddled for the second half. We both love to talk during the movie and add our own thoughts about what is going on and what people are thinking. We were also trying to keep tabs on how many life lessons the movie tries to teach. I think we made it up to 9 or 11 I forget.

At the beginning of the movie we looked over at Rachel and she was trying to take a picture of herself with her camera phone. She was sitting there with her mouth open, I guess she was trying to look like she was singing. Then she stopped the movie and went over and took a picture of herself standing next to the TV screen. Don’t really know what was going on there. Sometimes Rach is very random.

I just got word that Jasmine it quitting. My friend at worked asked for her job but they want to keep her on the phones so they are going to hire someone from outside the company. That really stinks. I hope they find someone fast because I do not have time to train a new person on jasmine’s job. My new person starts next week and he will be working evenings so I get to stay late next week as well to train him. I’ve also been told that we are hiring another new person to run our databases and I am supposed to find time to meet with him and go over the reports that I currently do but are supposed to be turning over to him. Those would be the reports that I am 2 weeks behind on. Oops.

Lots of hard things in this one. The one that comes to mind right now, though I haven’t blogged about it, is that one of the guys I used to date wanted to start dating again. I told him no. Saying no has gotten a lot better. I’m finally strong enough to go after what I want and to say no when I don’t want to be with someone. In the past I just go along with whatever because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.